A Quick Nip To The Shop...

I've been in a bit of a muddle today. It started off well - I remembered my shopping list and bags for a trip to Tesco after work. I almost got Small Son to school on time (you know the one that's a minute's walk from my front door). I got to work on time and, as far as I know, it all went fine. Two kids threw up and had to be collected (a virulent tummy bug is sweeping through the place) but other than that it was a eventless morning. I even managed to leave work less than ten minutes late (I have ended up working on unpaid for up to an hour after my "day" had finished just to get my paperwork done) and off I set to go to the supermarket. I hate not going straight home because the dog is normally climbing the walls having been left for three hours so I like to get back quickly to keep her company. However I had quite a few things to get today so off to the shops I went. I got my trolly and, list in hand, I set off tout de suite to get my groceries and get myself back home to Pooch.

I did the shopping quickly and found myself at an unoccupied check-out. No waiting - how lucky was I? Very! Right until the moment half way through my shopping being scanned that I realised I'd left my purse at home. "Stop!" I yelled holding my palm upward as though directing traffic, "I forgot my money." I was checking through my bag, the shopping bags and all my pockets - no money, no credit cards - nada! I looked blankly at the checkout lady and shrugged my shoulders. "Uuum....sorry."

She looked at me with the bored expression that only a person sitting down all day listening to never ending beeping can muster. "Do you want me to continue scanning?"

"I can't pay you," I said just to clarify what I forgot my money actually means.

Her brow creased under the strain of having to use words to explain herself. "I can continue scanning and then we can store your shopping while you go home to find your purse."

"Really? That's brilliant. Yes let's do that!"

She breathed out a big sigh and continued on scanning. I continued packing. When we were done she called a colleague who took my shopping trolley to customer services. I told her my name and said that I'd be back within 20 minutes. She asked if there was anything that needed to be refrigerated. I said not to bother with that, I didn't have any frozen items and I'd be back quickly. Then I set off back home to be greeted by an ecstatic Pooch who was very confused by me tearing around the house looking for my purse which was nowhere it was supposed to be. She was even more upset two minutes later when, on finding the wallet, I left again. I could hear her whining when I was back in the car. Then I whizzed back to the supermarket.
I parked up and literally ran in and set about looking for someone to help me. Having waited for several minutes for a manager to finish chatting to some colleagues I was directed to a rather bored looking lady behind a counter.
"Hi," I said smiling pleasantly, "that's my shopping over there. I need to pay for it."

"Righ'. OK. Wai' a minu' awrigh?" She went over to my trolly and then looked blankly into space. I thought she was looking for the till receipt which I could see was selotaped to her till. Then she just wandered off down the shop. The queue that was forming behind me was starting to get restless and I could feel their cold stares burning through the back of my head as though with some malevolent magic I had banished her from the land. I turned and shrugged to let them know that I was a clueless as they as to where she'd gone, and more importantly, as to when she'd return. They all wandered off realising that it might be days before she came back.

And then without warning there she was.

"Sorry, Oi'm tryin' to find your refrigera'ed foods. OK. Wai' a minu' awrigh?" and she started to leave again.

"But I told the lady not to bother with that and I came straight back. I've been no more than 15 minutes."

"It's policy. All refrigera'ed items must be refrigera'ed. OK? Wai' a minu' awrigh?"

I suppose that made sense. What if I hadn't returned they'd have had to dump them I guess. So I waited. And waited. And waited. She was so much longer that a minu'. Just when I lost the will to live she came back with my yogurt and milk. I'm not sure but I think she cracked a smile. Then I finally got to pay and leave the shop. I pushed the trolly to the car and that's when I realised I didn't have my car keys. Not in my bag, not in my coat pocket, not hanging on the trolly. Gone. I must've left them on the customer services desk. So back I turned with my trolly straight back to where I was not thirty seconds before. The same woman was there and she looked at me with her usual blank expression. "Can Oi 'elp you?"

"Did I leave my keys on the counter?"

"Wha' vey look loike?"

At this point my patience was wearing thin. I wanted to say "I left here 30 seconds ago - were there any frelling keys on the counter when I left???????" but instead I gritted my teeth and said "there's a leather tag with JANE on it."

" 'Ang on Oi'll check"

Check? Check? Do you have the memory of a goldfish woman? is what I should have said but I smiled benignly and dug my nails into my own flesh.

"Are these them?" she asked holding up a set of keys, with my name on them, that she'd put in the drawer a minute before just after I'd left her.

"Yes. Thank you." I took them and once again went to my car and loaded it up. And once again I drove the four miles home. And once again got greeted my a now hyper Pooch. The dog bounced and jumped and licked and brought me toys as I put my shopping away. I was battling with her enthusiasm as I put the cereal back in the cupboard. Then I knocked an almost empty bottle of juice on the floor. Almost empty. There was a bottle of blackcurrant juice on the list. I forgot it.

I didn't bother going back. The kids can do without.