Thing is - I don't get it. I don't get the attraction. This could be because I was once on the back of a very bad tempered pony that took off down a lane and would not stop for anyone. How I didn't get thrown off is a testament to the enormous levels of skill I'd acquired on my one and only riding lesson the week before. That and somebody far bigger than the little bastard I was "riding", jumping out and grabbing the reins and pulling him to a stop, whacking him between the eyes as I jumped off in terror! So I have always been a little afraid of them. They're very strong, quite big and I'm convinced - as thick as shit.
I hated coming to this conclusion as I'd spent quite a considerable portion of my early childhood thinking that Black Beauty was the cleverest animal in the world when in fact he was just a very pretty horse that was good at nodding. 
And don't even get me started on Mr. Ed! He lip-synced the whole thing. Apparently he couldn't speak a word of English. The thing is - in England it's all a bit refined! I understand wanting to ride horses if they're galloping at break-neck speeds but where's the fun in a leisurely trot along a lane or working up to a canter on a bridle path? Nope - I don't get that at all. Last week while driving along the back lanes I happened upon a woman on a huge horse who was talking on a mobile phone. The woman - not the horse. Seriously you can lose your driver's license for holding a phone while sitting in the driver's seat of a car (quite right too) but you can talk to your heart's content, apparently, while riding a monster of a horse you seem to have very little control over. I had to stop the car because she couldn't hold the damn thing in a straight line. Still, she smiled very nicely at me and waved with her non-phone-onlyholdingthereins- hand. "Bloody hell," I thought as I turned the corner to find a similarly gigantic beast being ridden by a teenager who was texting! What jolly japes!
Now riding like a cowboy - that I understand! I grew up watching The High Chapparal, Bonaza, The Big Valley and my absolute favourite - The Virginian!
As scared as I am of them, if I have the chance to get on a horse an ride like the wind across a big plain toward some red sandstone monolith in the distance, I bloody will. As long as I have the outfit - complete with plaid shirt, neckerchief, faded denims, chaps and cowboy boots. And I want to go so fast that my hat blows off my head (but I won't lose it because of that leather cord loosely hanging from it around my neck). I will wear a dirty light coloured hat. That would be very cool.
I can't help feeling that I'd be more like this though. But I can dream... I'm humming a theme - can you guess what it is?
Dah! Dah-da-dah! Dah-duh-da-da-dah! Dah! Dah-da-dah! Dah-duh-da-da-dah!
Doo-doo! Doo-doo-do-doooo!
Doo-doo! Doo-doo-do-doooo!
Doo Doo Do-dooo-doo-doo-doo-doo
Dooo doo doo doo doo doo do-dooo!
Dah! Dah-da-dah! Dah-duh-da-da-dah!
That took way to much time to dodo!
Last photo from www.wikihow.com How To Avoid Injury When Falling Off A Horse
8 comments:
Ha! Calamity Jane!
I tried to ride my neighbor's horse once when I was about 8. Walking was fine. When my neighbor broke into a trot (I mean the horse she was riding on did), my pony also began trotting, but no one told me to get up off the saddle, so I bounced right off. The horse tried its best but could not avoid stepping on my foot, which hurt a lot.
I lived very near our town's Pony Club. Although I never much cared for horses, I thought Pony Clubbing had a fine ring to it.
I find horses somewhat scary. They have large teeth and make sudden noises. My daughter, however, has the caught the horse bug. And is even going to a horse camp this summer. Thank goodness there isn't a mother-daughter horse day!
The theme tune, is it from Follyfoot?
The "How To Avoid Injury When Falling Off A Horse" picture. I'm sure wearing a riding hat would be a good start!
I'm laughing, imagining you working out your doo-dah rhyme scheme.
We've got the horse thing here, too -- in a big way. We also live next door to horses -- one of which kicked my youngest daughter in the mouth when we were walking on the foot path.
I am scared of the damage that horses can do, needless to say.
One of my rich friends owns a stable of horses . . . and now she spends the better part of her day "mucking out" horses. Does this make sense? (Not to me. I don't like creatures that make such big poos.)
BTW, nice glamour shot!
Pete - Pony Clubbing sounds like disco for small horses! Yes I was caught out by the bouncing thing too. It hurts!
I enjoyed the Calamity Jane clip! I remember hating that nickname as a child (as I am prone to being klutzy, I got it a lot) but then absolutely loving the musical when I finally saw it. I never minded being Calam after that. I wonder how I'd have taken it if I'd seen Robin Weigert's version in Deadwood first! I loved that show!
You might have guessed already but I do like a good wertern.
Barrie - Amen sister!
Tim - Follyfoot??????? I told you it was one of the best westerns ever!! It was The Magnificent 7!!!
I agree about the riding hat although they're not nearly as cool as a cowboy hat. I think a cushion tied to your ass would be helpful too!
Bee - it took a ridiculously long amount of time and the fact is unless you knew the tune you'd never get it! Which I realised the following day when I forgot the tune.
Your poor daughter - so scary. They are just too big and stupid aren't they. And unpredictable!
And who in their right mind would enjoy shovelling poop all day! Still it's good to have a handy supplier - it's fantastic for roses apparently, horse manure.
Thanks for the compliment on the new photo. I rarely wear any make-up so finding a photo that's publishable is unusual. My decision to go au naturale is mostly based on preferring the extra 10 minutes in bed in the morning but it also has the added advantage of making it really impressive when I actually do put some slap on. I'm like a different woman!
Their size is certainly intimidating.
Horses require so much upkeep that I think horse owners want that kind of close relationship. It's not a casual marriage.
LOL - brilliant post, am sitting here having a good chuckle oh Calamity Jane!
I'm never quite sure about horses these days - I loved them as a kid, went riding once a week - was always given the absolute bastard horses but learned how not to get bitten or kicked and how to make friends with them. Fell in love with a grey called Cobweb - what a special animal. Nowadays I find I'm wary of them - it's been a long time since I last rode - and was as stiff as a board the following day! It does have something to do with size and the fact that they are so incredibly sensitive - which is what can make them seem "stupid" but they're not - they are very bright creatures just very, very aware, sometimes too much so for their own good. I think a healthy respect is the best way to describe how I feel about them!
Jason - so well put. I was being flippant, of course. As with any animal - it's the handler that causes most problems and as you say a large powerful animal like a horse needs absolute commitment and not a the Sunday-driver attitude that I possess. The fear stems from seeing how easily they can be spooked and how incredibly experienced you need to be to control that. All the true horse-lovers I know really love their animals. [Between you and me I actually admire them - I don't get it but it is impressive!]
Vanilla - Deadwood's Calam sure had a mouth on her! It was one of the best things on TV last year (or as it the year before?) but my goodness you ended up cussing like a trucker for hours after each episode!
As I mentioned above to Jason, I realise that my trite comments about horses should be more readily levelled at me. It is stupid to try and take on a huge powerful beast like a thoroughbred without an ounce of horse-sense! You nailed it when you said that they're sensitive. That relationship between the rider and horse almost needs to be on an intuitive level, responding to each other's body language. The time and commitment it takes to learn is phenomenal and when you're a bit scared of those sudden movements it's way too easy to be put off. It doesn't help much that there are riders out there, like bad drivers, who don't allow for the inexperience of others when out on the road. I'm sure that was the case with Bee's daughter. They are a big responsibility.
I still want to gallop across the plains despite my wobbles though. Perhaps I just needed the right horse
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